Wow! What a trip. I got pretty caught up in the whole turning 30 thing for the past few weeks. I started having a bit of an existential crisis. I'm not sure if it's like this for everyone, but for me, the milestone of 30 caused a big journey of introspection. With society telling me that by 30 I'm supposed to have everything figured out, and have a stable source of income, etc., I was feeling a little down on myself. One of the hardest things as a musician, and what I'm told makes or breaks an artist, is the ability to stick with it. I've made the commitment to see this through, but that little voice of self-doubt in my head was more overwhelming than ever. "You're too old to make it as a musician," it said. "You started too late in the game." "You're music just isn't catchy or poppy enough." "You'll never be able to support yourself doing music full time. You're just fooling yourself." Ouch! I am my own worst critic.
However, I've come to realize a few things. Staying positive is the main thing. When that voice tells you that you can't do it, don't ignore it. Accept it and use it to fuel your passion. If you give up, you'll never forgive yourself. I've learned to ask myself what really is important to me. Do I wish to give up my dream to take on a 9-5 job just so that I can be "stable"; so that society accepts me as "successful"? Heck no!
I've never been a materialistic person. In fact, more and more I've come to despise material possessions because to me, it's not an even trade. Work your life away so that you can afford "nice things"? I'd rather cherish that time than be a hoarder. I'd rather use my time to create something positive. The big question I've been asking myself is, "You're 30, what have you got to show for it?" Well, I don't have material possessions to validate my success, but I do have experiences and memories that I wouldn't trade for anything. I've come from being a shy kid who couldn't even get the guts to order food at a restaurant, to now performing, often solo, at least 3 times a week. Personally, I think that's a being accomplishment in itself. And the ability to follow my bliss is priceless.
Now that my birthday has finally come and gone, and my inner struggle has worked itself out, I'm feeling more optimistic than ever! I've had so much support from my family and friends. They all pitched in to get me a battery powered street amp for busking. That really meant a lot to me. And my husband hand made me a cajon (a box drum that you sit on and play). But I think what really put me in high spirits was seeing one of my favorite bands perform. Which after this experience, I've come to believe that I need to go see my favorite bands perform more often. I've been a bit out of touch doing my own thing that I haven't had time to enjoy other people's music.
Seeing The Wood Brothers live last night was amazing. Those guys are no spring chickens. They don't have any sort of gimmicks. They're not super attractive dudes. They just stay true to their music and use their talents well. They write honest songs, and people dig it! There were so many people singing along to their songs last night. It was truly inspiring.
I hope one day to be an inspiration to others also. I know the only way to do that is to press on, learn from my experience and keep a positive attitude, even when that little voice tries to put me down. I've got to remember that age has nothing to do with musical success. It's all about the time you put in, and being true to oneself. Some of my favorite artists have been around for a decade before they "made it." To me, "making it" would be the ability to play at any house concert or venue I desired, and to play at festivals around the U.S. I might be 40 by the time that happens, but it will be another 10 years well spent! Each year, I'm "another year older, but another year wiser too."
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